I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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