There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
