____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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