Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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