Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
