You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
