Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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