I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
