I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
