The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
