trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
