life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she told me i tasted like america
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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