Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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