Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
