my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
