The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
