The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
