another moral hangover. fuck.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
