I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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