you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
