FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Please don't give away my fajitas
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
