I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
