I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
