Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
