If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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