His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
