she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
