what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
