dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
