My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
