I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it's like heaven, but drunker
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
