I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
