VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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