I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
