I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
