she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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