Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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