i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
