and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize