Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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