clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
