glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
