I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
