I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
