wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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