wat bout pragnant strippers??
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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