i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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