Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize