Having a random hookup so left but love u
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
