I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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