Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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