There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
