Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
