i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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