remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
