im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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