oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
