if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
