I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
