I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
