The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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