You're completely useless in the revolution.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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