You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize