I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
