so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
